True or False: You are the artist known as spacesick, but occasionally you go by the name of Evil Lord Emperor Spacesick.

False. If in fact I were a galactic emperor, I would be known light years around for ruling my space kingdom with a benevolent hand. My subjects would praise my indispensable contributions to science and technology (such as asteroid irrigation, and later, VHS cassettes), and the rudimentary system of democratic laws and fair punishment which I would implement to replace the archaic “Bloody Televised Game Show Fight to the Death Hosted by Richard Dawson” tradition set in place by the previous regime… all the while resting easy, knowing that their warrior king’s watchful eye and mighty StarSword™ (available this Christmas from Mattel) would constantly be protecting them from the unrelenting threat of evil space invaders. And Pac-Men.

True or False: Space rainbows are always made up of at least 3 colors.

You know, one would hope. It’d be a damn shame not to get your money’s worth, especially in this economy.

Chutes and Ladders or Candy Land?

Monopoly! It’s the the thinking man’s board game. Like chess, or Mouse Trap.

Star Wars or Star Trek?

Yes please! Though I only enjoy the classics; you know, the ones we liked when we were kids. I’m not showing up to your movie night if you’re going to show one of the crappy ones. Or if there aren’t any cute nerdy girls there too. I swear, if I get there and it turns out to be some geeked-out sausagefest, I’m making a break for the door or shouting for help out the nearest anime scroll-covered window.

Which continent is currently bearing your mass?

Gee, Patrick. Thanks for calling attention to my [expletive deleted] weight issue. As if I wasn’t having a hard enough time fitting into these little booths you have here at Tilteed. Agh! I can’t breath! Can we move this tabletop? Is it nailed to the wall? I’m stuck. Oof. Check on your side. No, the other side. Whew! Okay that’s better. I’m from sunny Toledo, Ohio in the beautiful United States of America, in North America, and that’s all I have to say about that.

Also I’m eating more salads these days, not that you noticed. With lemon and oil instead of dressing. It’s heart-healthy.

If you were stranded on a deserted island and could only bring one hyperlink for company, which link would that be?

I can’t live without my Google and IMDB. They’re the best friends I’ve always wanted, but was afraid to ask for! Uh oh I think I just lost at that question. That one’s on me.

Anything else?

Yes. Thank you for having me! :D It was a blast. Turtle power! I pity the poor fool who don’t eat my cereal. I love it when a plan comes together! Goonies never say die! San Dimas High School Football rules! I ain’t afraid of no ghost!